LOG ENTRY #41 – You, me and no-one else.

In response to: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/01/09/daily-prompt-fear/

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There are many ‘intellectually-appealing’ ways that I could go about this. I could write about something really deep and philosophical and how it terrifies me.

But let’s keep it very basic and true.

I read the the Daily Prompt. And this is what went through my mind:

I’m sitting crouched on my bed. My knees ache from their constant, bent position. I’ve been sitting like this for the past eight hours. My brother is asleep on his bed, his foot-ball blanket drawn up above his head. And I am surrounded by papers that have a lot of things scribbled on them. My eyes run over a few swear words squeezed in here and there between all the mathematical babble. My purplish-pink, and midnight blue, 400-page, Mathematics books lie at the end of the bed, where I just kicked them to. I don’t mean this figuratively. I really did kick them. Hard.

Whenever their around – its like their sucking all the happiness and hope out of me. More importantly – hope.

I glance up wearily at the clock once again and curse. Its almost like the clock-face is mocking my helplessness. An hour to 1 a.m.

Yeah, I know. That’s not too late.

Buddy – I’m the sort of loser who starts switching off at 10.00 p.m. and is brain-dead by 11.00 p.m.

So this is a hellish situation to be in for me.

My eyelids feel so heavy and I can feel my pillow against my back. If only I could fall back for five minutes.. that couldn’t hurt.

No! Exam at 8.30 a.m.

Need. To. Stay. Awake.

I’ll fail.

I think I should give up.

No! The grades! The report card.

Must. Avoid. Red. Marks.

A triangle stares up at me. “Does my butt look congruent to you?”

“You look very similar to every triangle I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

I’m talking to my book. I need some sleep.

Its very dark behind the curtains. The darkness always unsettles me. Especially when I’m trying to study. The darkness reminds me that the day is long gone. Its time for normal people to be in bed. Unwinding, sleeping or reading.

But then again – I’m telling myself that I’ll actually be able to stay up, complete my syllabus, understand every bit of it, get a good night’s sleep and give an exam. I’m not normal.

Well – not sane, at any rate.

Darn these numbers! They just love staring at me. Why can’t those pie-signs turn into real pies? Make some use of their (evil) magical abilities.

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These thoughts are making me very depressed. Especially since my exams finished three weeks ago, and today was my first day back at school.

Let’s leave my fears at that.. 🙂

LOG ENTRY #24 – Excuse me if I’m not smart enough. I’m still going for Add. Maths!

There’s something extremely weird about Add. Maths.

If you elongate it, i.e. write ‘Additional’ Mathematics – the subject makes absolutely no sense at all.

None. Nil. Zilch. I mean, who the hell would opt for additional math, right?

The answer is – Everyone.

If you don’t elongate, it is like you’re somehow avoiding the elephant in the room. But if you manage to conveniently ignore the first word… the question of whether to opt for it or not gets a chance to bubble up.


Continue reading “LOG ENTRY #24 – Excuse me if I’m not smart enough. I’m still going for Add. Maths!”