LOG ENTRY #52 – Hold the @!*%* up..


This is my third post since I stopped hobo-tunneling, and if you hadn’t already noticed, I’ve been very worried for the past couple of weeks.

Just yesterday, things started calming down. I can finally see the storm losing momentum and dying down around me.

And so I was driving home, looking out the window – can’t seem to remember what song it was, probably New York by Frank Sinatra – and I went “Hold up..

I felt this sudden urge rise up out of nowhere. I felt empowered after so long. Not because of the music at all, which is usually the case with me, but more because it just hit me that I’m not even legally an adult yet, I’m not even starting college until September 1st, and I do have some of summer left.

I’m still on holiday from life, its just that I won’t let myself be at peace.

I am a compulsive worry-wart, and yesterday my brain stuttered on it’s own ragged, pessimistic commands, begging me suddenly to look up at how beautiful the sky was, at how happy my little brother was for some reason, at how Mr. Sinatra started singing out of nowhere talking about the one city you want to go to so bad that it’s a recurring dream every night.

These moments should come around more often.

And so today I wake up, and I see that I look like death and I am pushed to make an effort on my face. I make the effort to cook breakfast and eat it while going through my YouTube playlist.

I breathe easy, I offer my morning prayers and then I check my Facebook.

There’s nothing at all special about all the things I listed above. In fact you might think they are all such mundane activities. But see – I haven’t done those things for more than a week. I haven’t properly had breakfast for a month. I just suffer from morning sickness a lot and am too worried about something or the other to sit down and just breathe.

I know everyone is going nuts nowadays, and everyone has an opinion and everyone wants to talk and everyone wants to motivate you but you really don’t need to avail every single minute of your life, and do something meaningful.

Yes, don’t spend eleventeen hours on Tumblr. But don’t deprive yourself of Tumblr and greasy foods either, just because you haven’t done that one assignment or you’ve been lazy. Nothing needs to be done so badly that you need to start losing hair over it. I know some people who – in their need to get something done – deprive themselves of television, movies, chocolate. Yes, do that! Please, discipline yourself and prioritize and if you are a grade-A procrastinator employ punishing tactics.

But see, what I did to myself was wrong. I don’t need to overwhelm myself with it all, I don’t need to stop being happy because I haven’t met all my deadlines.

Most important statement being: I don’t need to stop being happy.

Never ever ever do that to yourself. Find your balance, know yourself, and don’t blow things out of perspective.

On a lighter note – did anyone check out Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” video?

The song is ‘okay’, but maybe that’s my bias talking. If I’m completely honest, it was a run-of-the-mill pop track, and the video just caught me off guard. I know everyone has been loving the slew of Swift’s on-point fashion choices lately, which is why I was hoping that style would somehow make it’s way into the concept of her music and videos. I expected too much. All I got was messed up stereotypes in that video.

I’ll probably still listen to the song because its fun. (ish)

This post however I strongly recommend. I couldn’t have summed the video up better.

Live Life To the Fullest :)))))

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